Dependency Issues



Needs, Wants, Anti-Dependency, and Healthy Interdependence

Dependency issues revolve around meeting your needs and wants appropriately. Trauma disrupts this developmental process, creating either overdependency or anti-dependency.

Where It Comes From

Children depend on caregivers for survival. When caregivers fail to meet needs consistently, the child learns:

• Neglect → “My needs won’t be met.” Leads to anti-dependency or self-reliance.
• Enmeshment → “My needs overwhelm others.” Leads to minimization or shame about needs.
• Overprotection → “I can’t do it myself.” Leads to overdependency.
• Abuse → “Needing anything is dangerous.” Produces deep fear of vulnerability.

Adult symptoms include:

• Fear of asking for help
• Over-reliance on others
• Expecting others to guess needs
• Shame around wanting anything
• Panic when others pull away
• Choosing unavailable or controlling partners

How to Heal It

1. Identify needs and wants.
   Start small: rest, comfort, choice, food, connection.
2. Practice meeting your own needs first.
   This builds internal safety.
3. Ask for support appropriately.
   Clear, direct requests build healthy interdependence.
4. Heal the shame around needing.
   Needs are human—not weaknesses.
5. Re-parent the inner child.

Let your Functional Adult Self give your younger parts what they never received.

Only when needs are owned and cared for can relationships become mutual and balanced.